Mother’s Day has been and gone and despite having a lovely day with my own daughters this morning I felt left with a pang of disappointment over the relationship with my own mum.
It’s not something I have ever opened up about on here; this isn’t a space I want to use to bash people or to fill with negativity but I do want to share real life and in real life we don’t all have the perfect families.
It’s been a little under a year now since I last had contact with my mum and probably closer to 2-3 years since we actually had a proper relationship of speaking regularly.
My children have no relationship with her and that’s what makes me sad. I feel sad that they could just walk past her in the street and not recognise her, I feel sad they wont ever have that bond with their grandma and I feel most sad that she really doesn’t even care.
When I look at my girls I could never imagine not speaking to them. I struggle to get my head round the fact that one day they’ll leave home and I wont see them and tuck them in every single day, let alone no contact for a year.
As a parent I don’t understand how it could ever get to that point with your own kids, but in this case it has. I wish things had turned out differently but sometimes no relationship is better than an unhealthy one.
Whilst I don’t dwell on it often or pine for a relationship that’s not welcome I can’t help but feel like I am missing out when everyone is beaming about their own mum’s and how much of a support and inspiration they are to them. As time goes by I am sure those feelings of disappointment will fade but for now I just take comfort in knowing that this experience has helped me grow as a person and shaped me into the parent I want to be. The parent that will forever strive to do my best by my girls, to love them unconditionally and always be there for them what ever life throws our way.