Making Sure Our Children Don’t Feel Left Out When We’re Doing “Grown-Up Stuff”

It’s very difficult to keep the kids engaged, but what happens when we are going through specifically “adult” issues and our children want to be involved, but we need to keep them distant? It’s a very difficult balance, especially if we are going through something personal. But if our children want to be involved, and we don’t want them to feel left out, what can we do to ensure that they feel part of the process, regardless of what it is?

Be Clear In Your Communication

Sometimes our children can’t be involved. We may be going through something incredibly difficult, and while our children want to be involved, if we’re sat in front of expert divorce solicitors, and we really need to discuss these adult issues, we need to be firm in our wording. After all, it doesn’t mean that we love them any less, but it’s a very important thing to communicate that there are things that adults need to do without the children being involved. One way to make the most of this would be to distract them, but if you really want to be involved, they have got to be aware that there are boundaries that they are crossing.

Be Careful With Your Wording

If your children are dying to get involved in something that you’re doing, and it’s just overwhelming you, you could very easily start to say things that will make them feel like a burden. You could be using words like “nuisance”, or “in the way” and these things may not look like they make a direct impact right there and then, but we have to remember that if we constantly get into this sort of habit, it’s going to make them feel like they are left out, and they will feel that they always need to keep their distance, especially if they want to hang around with us, their parents. After all, communicating with them is about positive reinforcement, and this means that we’ve got to ensure that we are speaking to them in a positive way, and ensuring that we don’t make them feel like they’re being a nuisance by trying to get involved.

Giving Them A Small Task

Arguably, the easiest way to make them feel involved is to give them a small duty. If they want to help with the cooking it’s better to give them something small that makes them feel like they are contributing. And this is really the best way for us to ensure that they feel loved and are doing their best to help. It’s far easier for us to tell our children to go away because we’re trying to get something done quickly. But this doesn’t make them feel useful, and after all, they just want to be close to us because they love us. And when we are going through something that’s personal, or it’s just a basic house duty, it’s important that we don’t get into the habit of keeping our children far removed from the situations. This can feed into their lives in so many ways.


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