I was single for almost 2 years. For the first year I didn’t date – at all. I was so done with men all I wanted to do was focus on my little girls, my friends and work. For a time I didn’t think I would ever want to date again. Then I did.
I started dating, a big scary step after being with the same man since I was 16. Dating before then was a bag of chips in the park while you avoid eye contact. I went out on a few dinner or coffee dates even started seeing someone for a few months it didn’t work – they weren’t for me, I wasn’t for them.
One thing I realised with those dates and by seeing my friends experiences is dating is brutal.
I know my dating past doesn’t count but it never used to be this hard, everyone I have spoken to agrees. Back in the day boy met girl, they got together, the rest is history. Nowadays it is a completely different kettle of fish.
You swipe like on one another based solely on a few photos. No-one is seeing or speaking to just the one person because the rule is – do not put all your eggs in one basket. Oh the rules, the rules of dating. Don’t text first, don’t reply too quickly, don’t you dare send a cute emoji you seem too keen and do not under any circumstances let on you actually are into them.
These rules are designed to stop yourself from getting hurt when evidently what they actually do is stop anything from progressing past the ‘I’ll reply to him in 3 days’ stage.
I’ve actually written this post before when I was in the midst of dating and tindering (ugh god yeah I admit it – half the single population is on it so don’t judge). When I wrote it up before I sounded like a bit of a walking disaster zone with a distinct hate of the male population. I’m not – I think for the most part I have my shit together.
What I have come to realise since is; it wasn’t me, it wasn’t them. It’s just the fact we were not right for each other. Had we met in a more traditional way we probably would have never entertained the idea of going on a date. The thing about the internet and social media is you can portray yourself in any way you like. You can be the laid back, fun loving girl. He can be the considerate I want to settle down and ‘no you having kids isn’t an issue at all’. What you get in real life can sometimes be the complete opposite!
And now? Now I am in a relationship. Cliche but I stopped looking and then there he was. He’s not perfect, nor am I but he’s pretty perfect to me. There were no games, no shall I text back yet, no what does this mean. We just worked and we’re happy.
I learnt a lot from my dipping my toe in the dating pool, mostly that social media has killed it, but my advice if you are going through it – just enjoy meeting new people and having fun with your friends. Being single is really not that bad. Wasting time stressing in the search for Mr right is just that a waste of time, he’s out there.
He’ll hate this because I put dog ears on him. Soz babe.